Sooner or later, everybody who spends enough time outdoors has to deal with it.
There are plenty of articles explaining the finer points of answering nature’s call in the backcountry. This isn’t one of them.
This is about being prepared for the inevitable.
The Bandana Incident
I learned this lesson fairly early in my off-roading days.
The kids and I were out wheeling around a small piece of local public land when I experienced what can only accurately be described as an “oh, shit” moment.
And I mean that quite literally.
There was no restroom. No gas station around the corner. And there certainly wasn’t time to drive around looking for one.
I parked the Jeep, bushwhacked far enough into the woods to get out of sight, found an appropriate spot, and took care of business.
There was just one problem.
I didn’t have toilet paper.
What I did have was one of my favorite bandanas.
I returned to the Jeep without it.
That was the last time StoryTeller went into the woods without a roll of toilet paper.
Nature Doesn’t Care How You’re Traveling
This isn’t really an off-roading problem.
Spend enough time backpacking and eventually it’ll happen. Spend a day paddling a remote stretch of river and eventually it’ll happen. Spend hours exploring forest roads miles from the nearest convenience store and, well…
Eventually it’ll happen.
Sometimes you even bring the problem with you.
Years ago, I was finishing a backpacking trip with a couple of buddies. On our last day, we stopped at Bray Field for a snack before hiking the final few miles back to the trailhead.
My then-wife had packed a new hippie-type powdered sports drink for me. I hadn’t tried it yet, so I mixed some into my water bottle and knocked it back.
Turns out stevia and I are not friends.
About a mile from the trailhead, my digestive system issued an evacuation order.
My buddies were walking ahead of me and never noticed when I abruptly disappeared into the woods. By the time I finally reached the parking lot, they’d been sitting at the car for about twenty minutes wondering what the hell had happened to me.
It took a minute to clear the system.
Lesson learned.
Carry the Basics
You don’t need an elaborate wilderness bathroom system. You just need to think about it before you need it.
My Jeep now carries toilet paper, Dude Wipes and a small shovel. If you’re backpacking or paddling, your kit may look a little different. A couple of sealable plastic bags are also worth carrying—not just for trash, but because there are places where packing out human waste is required.
And that’s an important distinction.
There isn’t one universal rule for how to shit in the woods. Regulations vary depending on where you are, the environment, proximity to water, land-management rules and the amount of recreational use an area receives. Sometimes properly burying waste is acceptable. Sometimes it isn’t.
Know the rules for the place you’re visiting.
Whatever method is appropriate, the principle doesn’t change: don’t leave a disgusting surprise for the next person who comes through.
That includes toilet paper.
Everybody Poops
It’s not the glamorous part of outdoor adventure.
Nobody posts the Instagram reel of themselves urgently disappearing behind a rhododendron thicket. It’s unlikely to make the highlight video from your overlanding trip.
But it’s part of being outside.
So carry what you need. Know the rules. Clean up after yourself. And don’t wait until it’s an emergency to figure out the plan.
Because somewhere in the woods of Georgia, the remains of a perfectly good bandana serve as a reminder that I once didn’t.
Enough said…